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Commies are Making it Rain

November 18, 2009

Somewhere in the past year, current and ex-Commie countries have decided that they’re going to finally control something that has always slipped through their fingers before: the weather. Their plots sound like something straight out of comic books and I am just endlessly amused.

It started with China.who apparently has a whole government organization whose sole purpose is to figure out ways to manipulate the weather. Last summer they feared that rain would put a damper on the Olympics that they only invested, you know, billions of dollars into. So what did they do? They fired rockets filled with silver iodide into the clouds in an attempt to crystallize the water vapor, hopefully forcing it to rain before the games instead of on them. The practice has been used before to try and put an end to crippling droughts in the countryside, but it seems to only increase the chance of precipitation by twenty percent. (Of course, when it was used last summer it ended up causing two major snowstorms that devastated Beijing.

Then I heard about the mayor of Moscow who decided, “you know what? It’s not going to snow in Moscow this winter.” Moscow is familiar with this technology; the city already keeps the Air Force on hand during days of celebration so that it will literally not rain on their parade, but this is taking it to the next level. This winter the planes will spray a mixture of dry ice, cement powder and silver iodide on invading clouds, essentially blowing the snow beyond city limits and onto the neighboring towns. The mayor claims that the plan will benefit everyone: city residents won’t have to deal with snowy streets, the city won’t have to deal with costly snow maintenance and the land will get more precipitation (an estimated 10 feet more) leading to a more bountiful harvest. But people inside the city and out are not having it and have started launching protests (wouldn’t you?)

And now Hugo Chavez, good ol’ Chavez, wants to get in on the game too. In an effort to combat the severe droughts Venezuela has been facing this year, Chavez wants to bring this cloud seeding technology to his country too. No official word has been released as to exactly what technique will be used, but they are definitely drawing influences from their pals across the globe. What’s extra great about this story is that Chavez has announced he’s not just making the order, he’s going up in those planes too god dang it. He’s quoted as saying, “I’m going in a plane; any cloud that crosses me, I’ll zap it so that it rains.” And that’s just wonderful.

Because if you don’t laugh at this type of stuff, it becomes terrifying. And who wants that?

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